Of Black Roses and Fallen Angels
by Kawaii Kuroi Mahotsukai
Summary: AU. Sephiroth and Aerith take on each other's roles From the start! The start!. Possible coughcoughit'sgoingtohappenwhetheryoulikeitornothack shounenai in later chapters SephirothCloud Rated for that and Seph's potty mouth. Sephiroth POV. OMG I updated! O
1. Chapter One: Meeting the moron

Okay, I was sleep-deprived when I came up with this idea, so don't get all pissy at me for it. Please?

Summary: Sephiroth and Aerith's places are switched. I don't think I need to say more.

Warnings: Very, VERY strange, will eventually have shounen-ai (Sephiroth/Cloud, don't you people KNOW me?) Sephiroth's POV, starting just after the reactor goes BOOM!

Disclaimer:

Don't own FFVII... or anything else, except this idea. So don't steal it. I tend to be very... possessive... of my ideas, and I have hentai mind daemons galore to sic on you!

EDITTED: 08/08/05- it should be much better now.

Hello, and who might YOU be? My name is Sephiroth, before you ask... and my day has been insane. All I was trying to do was get to the church and pick some flowers for my adoptive mother's birthday (The church is the only place in Midgar flowers grow, you see, and I didn't have enough gil to get some imported. Stupid thieves.), when- out of the blue- there was an enormous explosion. Naturally, I hit the dirt- it's a good thing I wear a lot of black. And then, this blond guy with a huge sword (I mean the metal kind, you perverted fangirls --) comes barreling past, trampling me into the dust, completely screwing up my poor hair and nearly impaling me on the dagger I carry for self-defense (There are a lot of thieves around Midgar and, thanks to my hair, I can be mistaken for a girl very easily. That, and the piddly little thing was all I could afford. I repeat: STUPID thieves). Was I pissed? Ooooooh yes. I stood up with a growl and yelled at the guy, who was still walking away.

"What the HELL are you doing!" The aforementioned guy stopped, still standing with his back to me.

"Erm, sorry." There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"What happened, anyway?" I finally hazarded, wondering (to myself, of course) if he had anything to do with it.

"...The reactor exploded, obviously. It's dangerous to stay here- I suggest you leave." I shrugged.

"I wasn't planning to hang around anyway." I hesitated for a moment, then threw caution to the winds.

"By the way, my name is Sephiroth. Who are you?" The guy paused and turned back.

"Cloud. My name... is Cloud." And just like that, he was gone.

But wait! It gets weirder!

I had just reached the church, and I was hunting for some of those white daisies Mom likes, when something- or, to be more precise, someONE- crashed through the roof and fell into the flowers, crushing a large portion of them. You get three guesses who it was.

That's right. Cloud. Duh.

So there I am, with a bunch of crushed flowers and what I think is a corpse, and all I can say is, "Holy shit." This definately does not qualify as an average day. Considering that what I consider average entails running from the Turks, fighting thieves, trying to save enough gil for some materia, having it stolen, eventually going home, crashing into bed, and getting up the next morning to start the mess all over again, when I consider something not-average, you know it's 100 fucked up. It takes a lot to register on my weird-shit-o-meter.

However, I didn't exactly have time to expand on that thought, because then I noticed that the "corpse" was breathing. Great. Bigger problem. Now I have a guy who's probably mortally wounded, and not even a potion... Wait, if he blew up a reactor, he has some materia, right? Right? I hoped so, at least. Even if he WAS a stranger, I couldn't let him die. Not that I really cared, it's just that even in Midgar, it's not all that easy to dispose of a corpse without... inquiries being made. And I can't afford to be conspicuous.

Derailing that train of thought with an effort, I bent over and began rummaging his pockets.

'Ah-hah! Success!' I thought, gleefully holding the Restore materia up, then casting Cure on the blond, who instantly stirred. As soon as I saw him showing signs of awakening, I tucked the materia back in his pocket, then coughed quietly and nudged him with the toe of my left sneaker.

"Are you okay?"

He groaned.

"Can you get up?"

A wince, and a nod.

"Do you need some help?"

He shrugged noncommittally.

'This is not going anyplace fast.' I thought. I then leant over, and spoke slowly, loudly and clearly into his face.

"Do - you - speak - English? I am not fluent in idiot."

"Shut up..." He muttered, not making any effort to sit up, or even open his eyes.

"Fine, then, don't thank me for saving your life." I felt my eye twitching. "Ungrateful little prick." I began to straighten up, and walk away with my single squashed daisy, when a hand on my arm stopped me.

"Wait... Aren't you that Sephiroth guy I ran into earlier today?"

"We have a winner! Johnny, tell our contestant what he's won!" Ah, I love my sarcasm.

"Erm. Okay..." Either he's stupid, nonplussed, or has a skin thicker than reinforced mythril. I jerked my arm loose and began walking again, when...

"Thank you." I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see Cloud standing in the remains of the flower patch, smiling faintly. An answering grin crept up on my face.

"You're welcome." I opened the door to the church, walked out... and ran smack into Reno of the Turks.

"SHIT!" I leapt back, slammed the door in his face, and begin running like Hades himself was after me in the opposite direction. He's nice enough when he's alone- we've gotten drunk together more than once- but this time, he had goons with him.

"What's wrong?" Oh, shit, Cloud. If I leave him here, the goons'll have him tortured for information, then kill him because he "knows too much."

I made a quick decision, ran back, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him out the back door as the goons bashed the front one open.

"Shit shit shit shit shit..." I chanted, shoving blondie up the steps to the roof. In my distraction, I missed a step and crashed through the rotting wood to the floor below, landing on my butt directly in front of the goons.

"OH SHIT!" The first of them began to lunge at me, but just as he was about to lay hands upon me... a barrel smacked him on the head.

"What the...?" I looked up, to see Cloud poking his head over the edge, another barrel just leaving his hands.

"What the HELL are you waiting for? Hurry up and run!"

'I'll be damned,' I thought, 'Spikey actually has some guts.'

"Goodbye, ugly!" I kicked the limp hand of the goon off my ankle and scampered away up the steps as the barrel smacked Reno over the head, stunning him. I winced in sympathy- 'he's going to have a hell of a headache'- then tripped on the top step, landing ungracefully on my face, at blondie's feet

"You okay?" Cloud asked, offering me a hand, seemingly concerned. I ignored him, stood up, and began brushing myself down, commenting,

"Only thing hurt is my pride." I allowed myself the luxury of a grin. "Thanks, though. The memory of the look on that idiot's face will provide me with laughs for several days." Cloud grinned back.

"You're welcome. Now, um..." He paused and scratched his head sheepishly, "...How do we get away from here?" I made a disappointed face and clucked at him.

"Tsk, tsk, some rescuer you are." I looked around, got my bearings, and grinned. "Haven't you any imagination at all? We jump!"

"WE WHAT!" He squeaked.

"Jump." I grinned at Cloud, walked to the edge of the roof, turned around, and twiddled two fingers at him. "Ta-ta!" I then stepped backwards, off the edge, landing kneeling on the next roof, which was less than six feet below me.

Cue pounding feet. A moment later, Cloud leapt off the edge, over my head, and onto the other side of the roof, barely avoiding falling to his death. I rose to my feet, applauding sardonically.

"I've never seen anyone jump that far. Well done!" A moment later, I found myself on my butt, holding my aching jaw. I was amazed- I didn't even see him move. Nobody could naturally be that fast...

"That was not funny." Cloud fumed, rubbing at his hand.

"Yeah, you know what? Bite me." I retorted, standing and hopping to the next roof, still rubbing my poor jaw.

"No thanks." There was a soft rustle-thump as Cloud jumped after me, gauging his leaps a little more carefully than I because of his height deficiency. Yep, he was short. Of course, everyone's short when you're as tall as I am (6'1", and proud to be so), but even by NORMAL standards, he was SHORT.

Unless he was a girl... I had to repress a snigger at that mental image. Cloud in a dress! All of a sudden, a thought occurred to me.

'I just met the guy, for all I know he COULD be a transsexual.'

I snuck a glance at him as I slid down a beam to the ground, and sighed. 'Oh, planet. What HAVE I gotten myself into THIS time?'

O.o; Is it just me, or is this a screwed up idea? Anyway, R&R, tell me whether I should write more or just give it up. 


	2. Chapter Two: I hate my life

Of Black Roses and Fallen Angels

By Kawaii Kuroi Mahotsukai

Slight spoilers contained within, though I've changed the plot of the game so much they'll probably be unrecognizable.

Disclaimer: Me? Own FFVII? Do I look like a rich Japanese man to you?

If you say yes, I will smack you.

EDIT: 08/08/05

MUCH longer and more detailed now. Enjoy.

Chapter Two. Ready? Go!

I have but one thing to say: This day has been fucked up. Not bad, per se, but really, REALLY fucked up. Great Planet, I'm setting a personal record for "most times saying the word fuck" here, that's how fucked it was. Even for a day-in-the-life-of-the-most-fucked-up-guy-on-the-Planet, AKA me, it was fucked.

Let's see now... What did I do today? Woke up, ate breakfast, snuck out my bedroom window to avoid a TURK who didn't happen to be my buddy Reno... Tseng, I think his name is. Anyway, then I went to get flowers for Elmyra, met Spike-boy, learned his name, reached the church, nearly had Spikey fall on MY pretty little head... Had my arse saved from the goons BY Spikey (Humiliating? Oh yes), offered to help him find his (pathetic little) allies, heard he had nowhere to stay the night, offered to let him stay the night with Elmyra and myself, received monosyllabic grunts in response to both offers, and am now sitting on the top of the stairs ("Go make the beds, Sephi." Yeah, right, as if I'm going to fall for that one. Maybe when I was five) listening to Elmyra's monologue to Spikey about how she found me.

You want to hear it, too? Fine, I'll begin at the beginning. First, to understand what follows, you have to know this: I'm a science experiment. I'm Hojo's genetically modified plaything.

Yep, this pretty face conceals some seriously fucked genes. Basically, I'm the world's first man-made Cetra, and Mako-enhanced at that. No flash photography, please.

Details? You want details? Very well then. As far as I know or can guess, Hojo distilled genetic material from blood donated (Willingly or not) by Ifalna, and then replaced most of my own genetic material with hers, retaining only my gender. (I would assume that he needed a few more research subjects, so he needed a male specimen to breed them.)

Thus, I look like a strange amalgamation of my mother and Aeris.

Oh, I knew her. She was four, nearly five years my senior. Of course, I didn't know that at first, we never had birthday parties, but I deduced it from what Mother told me. I remember the day when she did.

Mother and I had a quiet moment together, something that was quite rare, as Hojo generally had Aeris and myself segregated in his lab for mako showers or tests. She was holding me, like she generally did when she had the chance (I was only four), and she had a sad, pensive look in her eyes.

"Why you sad, mommy?" I had asked, tugging on a strand of her hair. I loved her hair, when I was little. Even in our tiny, sterile, Mako-drenched universe, it always smelled like flowers. I never knew what the smell was called, though, only that I loved it... but I digress.

She had looked at me with the gentle smile she reserved just for these times, and petted me. "No reason, Sephy." I had nodded, accepting her answer, then asked the question that had been pestering me since I had heard Ifalna crying earlier that day.

"Why other Mommy crying?" My mother had sighed sadly, then leant down and kissed me on the forehead, then smoothed my bangs out of my face.

"Ifalna? She's crying because she knows Aeris wishes her daddy had seen her turn nine. She misses him a lot."

I had thought hard about this, and frowned. "Why Aeris' daddy go away?"

Mother had smiled so sadly, and hugged me tighter. "The same reason your daddy went away, Sephy." She had said nothing more on the matter, and I had eventually fallen asleep in her arms.

Anyway.

I didn't think any more of the reason for our presence in Hojo's lab until I was seven. Then he began to act crazy... well, crazier than he already was. He was talking of resurrecting Jenova, ranting about how she would make him famous and provide infinite power, thus saving the world. While he ranted, I watched as mother and Ifalna signed furiously to each other from across the lab. Suddenly, Ifalna seemed to go crazy, screaming, twitching, and foaming at the mouth.

I knew nothing was the matter with her, so, while everyone's attention was on Ifalna, I simply watched my mother as she slipped a small box with a few diodes sticking out of it into her clothing.

As we were hustled back to our cells, mother winked at the Cetra. Little did I know what they were planning.

That selfsame night, I was gently shaken awake by Ifalna, who lived in the same cell as I did at the time. Hojo, you see, had thought that placing each child with the other's mother would dissuade escape attempts, as the escaper would have to leave a family member behind. He was soon to discover how wrong he was.

I didn't know that at the time, though. Ifalna just smiled at me, and placed a finger to her lips, then beckoned to me to get up. I nodded and got silently from my cot, as she'd asked. She immediately wrapped me in the dark grey blanket from my cot, covering my bright silver hair carefully, then swept me up in her arms, and bore me to the door of the cell. As we reached it, she pushed it gently and it swung open. On the way out, I noticed the lock was shorted out and thus useless for keeping us trapped.

I instantly recognized my mother's work - nobody else would have dared try it, nor would their work display the same finesse as hers.

We were met in the hall by my mother, who had the twelve-year-old Aeris by the hand. Her sparkling green eyes lit up like stars when she saw us, and she jumped on us, hugging her mother and me, who she considered a little brother, fiercely. "Are we running away, Mom?" She whispered.

Ifalna placed a gentle finger on her daughter's lips, and nodded, whispering in reply, "Yes, Aeris... but we have to be silent, okay?" Aeris nodded, then touched me on the shoulder.

"Take care of Mom for me, okay, Sephi?" I nodded, and clung to Ifalna like grim death. Aeris took her mother's free hand, and my mother led us carefully down the hall, pausing now and again to short out a camera or heat sensor with the small electrical device she had filched from the lab.

That journey was impossibly eerie, and entirely unforgettable. I was cradled in the arms of one I had come to seen as another mother, while my own mother ghosted along before us like a guardian angel. Close beside me, Aeris huddled tightly against her mother, mako-enhanced emerald green eyes - identical to my own - gleaming in the twilight.

We made it out of the tower without much trouble, and the first train ride was thankfully uneventful.

However, as we went to embark on our second train, the one that would take us off the plate, disaster struck. As Ifalna and I were waiting our chance to board, mother, who was a few yards behind us, tripped and fell. When Aeris slipped Ifalna's hold and scampered back to help her, armored soldiers had materialized from the crowd and seized them.

Both Ifalna and I screamed, but as the soldiers began towards us, Aeris shook her captors off, and sprang forward, ramming into our pursuers.

"Run, Mom! Take Sephi and go!" She had cried, fighting with all her mako-enhanced strength, keeping the soldiers busy. Her mother had paused a moment, torn between saving her daughter and the child she considered a son, then she ran for the train, barely getting aboard in time.

As she ran, one of the soldiers left off his hold on Aeris, unholstered his gun, and fired wildly after the fleeing Ancient. She stumbled and grunted softly with the pain as he scored a shot in her back, but managed to make it through the closing doors of the train, which took off just as we got aboard.

At the end of the line, Ifalna was nearly gone. I had done what I could, but a seven year old with no materia or experience in healing couldn't repair the damage to her vital organs, and she was bleeding to death on the inside.

The train creaked to a halt, and Ifalna staggered upright, clutched my hand in her own clammy one, and stumbled from the train. The conductor looked at us sympathetically, shook his head, and turned away, waving the train to the shed where it was kept at night.

Ifalna staggered to the bottom of the steps, where a young woman was waiting. She gave a choked cry, and fell to the ground, and I knelt beside her, sobbing. "G-get up!"

The young woman approached, her pretty face anxious. "Oh dear! Wait here, I'll call a doctor." She turned to run for help, but Ifalna grabbed her skirt. "W-wait... too far gone..." She whispered hoarsely, and waved the woman closer.

She knelt down beside the dying Ancient, who pressed her hand with a fading grip, and whispered with her last breath, "T-take care... of my son..." The woman took her hand, and said softly, "I will... I swear it." Ifalna gave a satisfied sigh, then her hand fell from the woman's, and she was gone.

The woman, Elmyra, was true to her word, taking me in and raising me as her own child. I owe her an enormous debt of gratitude for that.

My thoughts were interrupted by steps at the foot of the stairs. 'CRAP! Cloud escaped Elmyra! Have to look innocent!' I thought frantically, racing down the hall to the guest room, and diving upon the bed, shaking the pillow frantically. When Cloud didn't immediately accost me, I calmed down, quit abusing the poor pillow, turned down the covers and walked as quickly as I could for my room. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough, as Cloud caught me in the doorway. I tried to shut the door, pretending not to have seen him, but he stuck his foot in it and gently tapped me on the arm.

"Um... Sephiroth?" I sigh, step out the door and look at him pointedly.

"Call me Seph, if you're going to keep mispronouncing it."

He winces, and I smile, trying to show that I didn't mean my comment to be hurtful.

"My name's a mouthful, I know."

He smiles back, a bit shyly.

"Seph, then." He pauses, and runs a hand through his hair in a heartbreakingly familiar gesture. "Why did you help me?" Searing blue eyes lock with mine.

"You... remind me of someone." It isn't a lie. He's so very much like Zack...

"Who?" The wound of my best friend's death - a death I still feel I caused - is still too raw for me to be able to coherently explain why this little spikehead reminds me of him, and I quickly look away, hiding the tears that are beginning to brim in my eyes.

"It's too late for a long story like that." I try to swallow the lump in my throat, and add, "Get some rest, Cloud. If you want to keep up with me on the hike back to Sector 7 tomorrow, that is." I quickly step into my room and shut the door behind me, holding my breath until I hear the door of the room down the hall open and shut, then release the held breath and slide to the floor, letting the tears come as the voices of the dead come to my mind, the echoes of echoes... of souls.

'-who was he?... cute...-' A woman's voice.

'-spikehead? hee hee hee...-' A little girl.

One voice, stronger than the others... Zack...

'-I knew you'd find him, Seph - told you you'd like him...'

"Zack..." My breath catches, and I have to fight back tears. "He reminds me of you..."

'-nevermind that - he's escaping - go after him! ...too weak to make it all the way on his own...' I slumped slightly and whined.

"But I'm tired!"

'-sleep when you're dead. Go!'

"Damn pushy dead guys..." I grumbled, climbing out my window and dropping lightly to the ground below, taking a shortcut to the only way to sector seven. As luck would have it, I arrived there moments before Cloud, and had just enough time to hide behind a pile of debris before he padded cautiously past me. Snickering softly, I slipped out of the shadows and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Were you trying to leave without saying goodbye?" He instantly froze, then turned on me with an angry look.

"Damn it, Seph! Are you TRYING to make my life difficult?" I delicately quirk one eyebrow in a wordless question.

"Elmyra asked me to leave without you. She wanted to keep you out of danger." I clapped a hand to my forehead, eyes wide with disbelief.

"HELLO! The Turks KNOW where I live! I'm actually safer out here, away from them." Cloud quirked an eyebrow as he replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Really sure?" He lilted sweetly.

"YES!"

"Really, really sure?"

I twitched.

"Do you want to get to Sector 7 or not?"

"You win. Lead the way, Sephikins!" I narrowed my eyes at him and leaned forward until our faces were only a few inches apart, snarling.

"You know, you are about THIS CLOSE-" Here I broke off, raised my hand until it was at Cloud's eye level, and held my index finger and thumb about a millimeter apart. "-to me taking that sword of yours and ramming it straight up your ass." I grinned fangily and he shrank back, blue eyes wide.

"YIPE!"

"That's a good boy. Come." I grabbed him by one of his spikes and began to drag him along by it, ignoring his yelps of, "OW! OW! THAT'S ATTACHED!"

I've never had so much fun. The entire walk through the wreckage, we were attacked by these... house-bot-things. Like Transformers on crack. It was SO FUNNY... and, as an added bonus, Cloud even gave me a Lightning materia to fight them off with! (My dagger was nigh-useless against them, and Cloud couldn't fight and leave me defenseless. Nice guy.) So now I have a materia that actually DOES something, yay. Of course, I also have one that doesn't do a damned thing. Ifalna gave it to me when she took me from the lab, to remember her by. Said something about it being holy, or something, so I keep it in a pouch around my neck. Just in case. Not that I'm superstitious or anything.

Anyway, we've almost reached Sector 7. The gate ought to be just over this hill of wreckage... There it is! And... the playground's still there too.

It's a forlorn, musty place, no children have played there in YEARS... but Zack and I used to come here and sit on the rusty, ancient swings and just talk, about everything and nothing. It was here that he told me about his girlfriend, here that he told me of the Turks... here that he told me of Cloud.

I still remember what it was like that day, five years ago: Hot, and muggy. We were both in as little clothing as we could get away with without being indecent, and we were sitting in the shade of the Moogle head, talking about nothing in particular. I made some comment about the horribly crappy weather, and Zack started laughing. When I smacked him and asked WHAT was so funny, he told me about Cloud. ALL about Cloud. How much he hated hot weather, what he liked to wear, how much I'd like him - his platoon was going to be stationed here after "this little piddly mission up in Nibelheim."

"Yeah," he had bragged, "Aeris an' me," I was stunned to hear that he knew her, and hadn't told me. Then again, he was a SOLDIER, and as much as I loved and trusted him, I wasn't about to tell him that part of my past. "-we can take on anything the reactor can chuck at us. I wish you could see 'er fighting, Seph - what a woman! That sword of hers is two feet bigger than she is, and she handles it like it's nothing!"

I was, if possible, even more surprised with how familiar he was with her.

"How well do you know this Aeris?" I asked, mildly.

"General Aeris, commander of all SOLDIER?" He asked, grinning, and I nodded impatiently.

"She's my GIRLFRIEND! WHOO!" He whooped, thrusting a fist in the air in triumph. I simply stared, shocked, then shook it off and changed the subject, mildly disturbed by the thought of the gentle girl I knew wielding a sword and killing.

"So, tell me more about this mission..."

And he did tell me - everything he knew about it. And the more I knew, the uneasier I became... I still rue the day that I let him go on that mission without at least objecting, when I knew he was in danger... stupid bravado. Stupid me. I let him go, and triggered the events that led to his death.

I felt it when he died, too. Felt the bullets ripping through him, felt his heart struggling to keep beating... felt the jerk as it stopped, and I lost the best friend I'd ever had. And yet, Cloud acts so like him...

"Seph! Hey, Seph!" I jerked out of my reverie, to see Cloud sitting on the top of the Moogle head. "Get up here, the view's awesome!"

"The view of what? Rubble?" I responded drily, though I DID climb up next to him - partly because I was feeling nostalgic, partly because it was the cleanest place to sit. Surprisingly enough, when I looked around, I could see traces of what must have been a beautiful park once. The remains of a huge tree rose to the left, and to the right there was an old broken fountain, which had long since run dry, along with a dry creek bed and a rotted-out park bench.

"You're right," I murmured softly, "It is nice."

"Yeah." Cloud sighed, leaning back and letting his eyes fall half-shut.

That was when I noticed that they GLOWED.

"Cloud?"

"Mm?" He fully opened his eyes and looked at me attentively.

"What rank were you?"

"Wha-?" Glowy blue eyes narrowed slightly in an (admittedly) adorably perplexed manner, and I grinned, indicating them with a slight wave of my hand.

"In SOLDIER. Don't lie and say you weren't one, I see the mako in your eyes." And, under my breath, I added. "Should have seen it before..." Cloud gave no indication he had heard the last bit, instead sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

"This is embarrassing... Third class. I had just gotten into the program when..." He fell silent, brow furrowing.

"When?" I prodded gently. He shook his head.

"I... I can't remember." The creaking of the gates to Sector 7 startled us out of our contemplative moods.

"Wha-?" A chocobo-drawn cart passed through the gates, and I caught a glimpse of a woman inside it- a very, VERY sexy woman. Cloud took one look at her and swore.

"FUCK! That's Tifa!" I echoed his sentence, with slightly different emphasis on the words.

"Fuck! THAT'S Tifa?" I whistled, watching her vanish around the bend, then realized where she was going. "Damn." I vaulted gracefully off the Moogle head and looked up at Cloud.

"Come on, Blondie." He blinks at me. "Why?"

I sigh. "That cart was headed for Wall Market, and any woman who strays in there... Well, she won't get out in the same condition that she came in." A blink, a nod, and a quick leap later, Cloud was right behind me on the race to the one place I had sworn never to visit again.

'Note to self: Never, ever, EVER try to help Cloud again.' I thought, humiliated.

"So, let me get this straight." I sigh. "We've gathered information about Tifa's whereabouts, and, apparently, she's lost her mind and gone to the mansion of Don Corneo, the most notorious pimp in Sector Six." Cloud nodded mutely, and I continued. "So, now we have to dress up as women and sneak in there to rescue her?" He nodded again, and I groaned. "What have I gotten myself into?"

Cloud ignored me, and pulled out a list. "I got a list of places we can get the stuff we need from that nice lady over there." He pointed at a flashily-dressed person who was sitting on a box, smiling flirtatiously at him, and I winced. "That's... not a lady, Cloud."

Mr. Clueless merely blinked, shrugged, and started walking.

"First stop, the tailor."

And off we went, getting a dress each from here, perfume from there... and then Cloud made the terrible mistake of deciding that we needed ladies' undergarments.

And so, off we went to the Honey Bee inn. The girls at the entrance flirted shamelessly with everyone, and all the "customers" continually copped feels.

Not always from the women, either. I felt like a side of meat before we even got inside.

Once we were in, I began to have hope. The ladies were surprisingly helpful, giving us fresh, unused undergarments and makeup kits, and offering tips on how to look our best. One of them even let us into their private bathrooms to freshen up, since we were pretty dingy from our long tramp. We had just gotten into the huge bathing pool in the center, and were beginning to enjoy the comfort of it, when it was all ruined by a gang of thong-clad bodybuilders.

They charged into the bathroom, and, upon seeing us naked, immediately stripped and jumped in with us.

As I tried to climb out, one of them sidled up next to me, and grabbed me. In a place nobody wants a stranger, much less one as creepy as that one, touching them. He whooped with delight as I yelped my protests and struggled.

"Whoo, nice package on this one! I call him!"

I felt the color drain from my face, then I punched the creep in the nose, dove for Cloud, grabbed him from the clinging hands of the creepy bastards, and scrambled away, snatching our clothes - including the panties and makeup kit - on the way out.

We dashed, naked and dripping, across the main room, earning a few encouraging cries from the ladies, and scrambled into the first room we came across, slamming and locking the door behind us.

"T-think we're safe?" I panted. Cloud shrugged, seemingly distracted, and I frowned, regaining my composure as the disgusting memory faded behind my worry.

"Are you all right?"

Cloud simply looked at me, then made a strangled sound, and fainted dead away. I lunged forward, barely catching him before he hit the ground, and carefully laid him down, then shook him gently.

"Cloud? Cloudie, wake up, no time for naps... gotta save Tifa..."

He simply whimpered, and nuzzled his face into my hand, whimpering, "No... Zack, no... no... Zack...!"

I force back tears at hearing Zack's name, feeling the phantom ache in my heart, and shake the stupid blond again. "Cloud, wake UP!" He bolts upright, gasping, and latches on to me. He stays that way for a moment, whimpering and trembling, and then he's suddenly no longer the frightened little boy, and he's let go, and is hunting for his clothes.

I'm mildly confused by the whole incident, but push it to the back of my mind for now.

We dress, again, pulling the dresses on over our normal garb, and then we're faced with the question of hair. I look sufficiently girly when I pull my hair into a ponytail, but Cloud's spiky mane poses a bit of a problem. I comb it out what seems like a dozen times, before settling for simple, spiky pigtails. Tying the ribbon on his left pigtail, I smirk.

"You look very pretty, Ms. Cloud."

He punches me in the gut, then drags me out of the room, out of the Inn, through the crowd, and down the path to Don Corneo's mansion.

We're readily granted admission, and rendezvous with Tifa in the basement, where she explains she's on an espionage mission, then are escorted to the private chambers of the Don himself.

He proves to be a fat, old, lecherous bastard.

The kicker is...

He chose me to be tonight's... "companion."

...And so, here I am.

And I thought that nothing could top Cloud saving my butt from Shin-Ra's goons. I. Am. Sitting. On. The. Pimp's. Bed. Ugh. I just hope they get up here soon...

"Say, beautiful, do you love me?" The fat bastard asks, crawling onto the bed next to me.

I shudder and violently shake my head.

"Ohh... Is there someone else?" He's nearly crawled on my lap, now, and only one thought is going through my mind:

'ANYTHING to keep him off me.'

"Yes! His name's... um... Cloud!" Oh, smooth, Seph. REAL smooth. Open mouth, insert foot.

Still, it DID get him off my ass...

Suddenly - oh, thank the planet! Cloud and Tifa are here!

"Bye-bye, you fucktard!" I shout, then I rip off my slinky black dress, revealing my Kleenex-stuffed bra (which I also remove), throw the discarded dress and feminine underclothing in his face and straighten my tight black shirt.

"A MAN! But-but-!"

I smirk at him.

"But, nothing. What's your connection with Shin-Ra?"

"I'm not sayin' ANYTHING." He crosses his fat arms in defiance, and my smirk widens. "Really? Let's see how you handle THIS, then." I lunge forward, dagger in hand, and press it's sharp edge to his crotch.

"Talk. Or I'll cut it off."

"NO! Not that!" He whimpers and squirms, then adds, "The president asked me to find Avalanche!" Cloud starts at the mention of this Avalanche thing, then lunges forward and snarls into his face.

"Details!"

"No way!"

Twin evil smirks appear on our faces.

"If you don't talk..." I begin, poking him in the gut with my dagger.

"...I'll rip it off." Cloud grins ferally at him and adjusts his gloves, flexing his fingers meaningfully.

"EEP! I found them in Sector 7, so the president's going to drop the plate on their heads! Avalanche pancakes!"

"WHAT!" Tifa leaps forward, shoving us aside. "Tell me his plan... Or I'll SMASH it!"

"I-I-I dunno! Really! Please don't hurt me!" We exchange meaningful looks, then release the ass and begin to walk away.

"W-wait!" I pause and look back.

"Why do you think I would talk?" Cloud smirks and answers for all of us.

"Because you're a moron?"

"Wrong!" He hits a switch and, suddenly, the floor is gone...

...Fuck. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck. Oh, and did I mention, FUCK! Because I have just regained consciousness after having fallen roughly a kilometer down a stinking brick chute, and I am lying in a SEWER! Cloud's standing over me, looking concerned, Restore materia in hand, and Tifa (who, though she is drop-dead gorgeous, is a permanent pain in the ass) is sitting propped against the wall, still out of it.

"Lovely little excursion, Cloud. 'Oh, we'll be in and out of there in no time!' Now where the fuck are we? In a FUCKING SEWER!" I glare at him, and Cloud grins wryly.

"Well, someone's not a morning person."

"No SHIT, Sherlock!" I sit up and begin looking myself over. Hmm. Not as bad as I thought- my hair's dry and un-stinky, and my clothes are only damp- apparently this is the place a rain gutter drains into, not a full-fledged sewer. Thank the planet for small favors.

...Note to self: Never thank the planet until you're sure you're safe. There is a giant rat with chains on it's paws attacking Tifa.

"Hey, Cloud..."

"What, Seph?"

"Look over there, and please tell me that that thing that is about to eat Tifa isn't real." He looked.

"HOLY SHIT! Fire!" A spurt of flames from Cloud's fire materia scorches the beast, turning it's attention from Tifa to us.

"I don't think that was WISE, Cloudy-boy." Was all I had time to say before the thing sent a tsunami of stagnant water rushing at us, knocking us into a wall.

"Ouchies." I rub my head, then scramble to my feet, unsheathe my pitiful little dagger, and drop into a fighting crouch. "Cloud, back me up here... Cloud?" I turn around and nudge him with one foot. Out cold. Crap. I snatch him up, climb a ladder to a ledge, set him down in a corner, then grab his Fire and Restore materia before leaping back into the fray. A Cure spell puts Tifa back in the fight, after which I begin shooting off attack spells as fast as I can.

"Fire! Bolt! Bolt! Fire!" The barrage of magic drives the sewer rat right into Tifa's Beat Rush, which knocks it facefirst into a lightning-charged slash from my dagger, which puts it back in range of Tifa's fire-powered right hook. With a final squeal of agony, it collapses in a heap and dissolves.

"Ewwwww..." Tifa voices my thoughts with a long groan of disgust, and I nod in agreement.

"'Ew' just about sized that up." I reply, then jog lightly back to the ledge and scramble up the ladder, snapping Cloud's materia back into his armlet before gently shaking him.

"Hey, Cloud, wakey wakey."

"Five more minutes, mommy..." He mumbles. I am completely unamused.

"Cloud, wake your punk ass up, RIGHT NOW."

"Shu'up... wanna sleep..." Still out like a light, he grabs me around the waist, drags me down, makes a contented "mm" sound, and buries his face in my shoulder. I glare down at Tifa, who is watching me balance myself precariously over Cloud and giggling.

"A little help, here!"

She just laughs. I swear, as soon as I've pried this stubborn blond idiot off of me, I am going to KILL that woman.

Dang... this is LONG stares up At least for me. I repeat: Dang.

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	3. Chapter Three: Grease slicks and felines

Of Black Roses and Fallen Angels

Yes, I'm back... after two years. Meh. A lot has changed, that's all I can say... But I intend to finish this, anyway.

Disclaimer: Don't own any of this, besides the "ah what the hell, let's switch 'em" idea.

Chapter three

It's now about an hour after the incident in the sewers, and I've finally squirmed free from Cloud-the-clingy. I'm holed up in a niche, just now, waiting for him to go away.

"Come on, Seph, come out already."

...In case you hadn't noticed, he's still here. I'm not moving, so I just glare out of my niche at him, willing my eyes to glow a little more viciously.  
"After what you did? No." Cloud heaves a long sigh.  
"Aw, come on, I was groggy! You startled me." I glare back at him, willing him to take the hint and just LEAVE.  
"YOU were hugging ME... and when I finally pried you off, you kicked me in the gut and tried to stab me. Leave me the fuck alone." He ignores me, of course, and offers me a hand. "It was an accident!" How fucking dense can you be? I narrow my eyes at him, and he shrinks back timidly, hurriedly pulling his hand back - I think he thinks I'm going to bite it off. Heh.  
"Please, just come with us long enough to get to the train station? Then you can take a train back home, and this'll be all over. You'll never see me again." I internally winced at the memory of the train station, then cocked my head slightly, considering.  
"Tempting. Very tempting."

Cloud winced at the comment.

"I deserved that..."

"Yes. You did. Ass." Since the spikehead is apparenly not going to let me be, I crawl out of my hole, ignoring the hand he offers to help me up. "Fine, I'm out, happy now?" "Yep." He smirks. Fucker. I'll show him.

So, what did I do, you ask? I stuck my tongue out at him. Sue me, I'm not exactly in an imaginative mood. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm hungry, and I was nearly impaled on that Big Fucking Sword (tm) of his, so I think I deserve at least a little leeway.

"Let's just go." What? WHO DARES BE SANE! ...Oh, the talking knockers. Yes, I mean Tifa. Yes, that was in bad taste. No, I don't care. Buzz off.

"Fine. But if Cloud opens that big mouth of his ONE MORE TIME, I'm cutting his balls off and feeding them to him."

He didn't say a word for the rest of the walk.

One long, but, thankfully uneventful, walk through the ghost-infested train graveyard later, and...

"We're here. Thank the Planet for small favors."

I WAS going to get a train home, but the bunghole conductor waved the train away JUST as I was running for it, and wouldn't you know it, it was the last one of the night. So. Tifa offered to let me stay at her bar slash inn until tomorrow, and I accepted, figuring one night more around spikey couldn't hurt TOO much.

I should have known that all hell would break loose.

See, we were walking to the said bar slash inn, when this fat guy fell out of nowhere and nearly squashed me. At this point Tifa went nuts; apparently this was a friend of hers.

After watching her flip out, and zoning out somewhere betwen her squeals of "Oh no!" and "we have to help Barret!", I found myself being dragged into the entire mess.

That's about all that's happened up to this point, really. Currently, we are standing at the foot of this huge... tower... thing. Actually, it's more of a scaffolding, wrapped around the pillar that holds up the section of the plate over Sector Seven. And things around here ain't exactly peaceful - we've got people shooting and getting shot, and apparently these people are pretty good friends of Cloud and booby-woman.

Okay, focus, Seph. If Zack was correct, the TURKs are going after Cloud and Mr. T up there... because they blew up a reactor... or was that two? Eh. I wish Zack was a little more coherent... this is what I get for using dead guys to gather information. Bah.

Planet, I hate stairs. Note to self: Kill Cloud for dragging me to this planetforsaken place, with it's planetforsaken stairs and it's planetforsaken monsters and it's planetforsaken Shin-Ra troops and planetforsaken Tifa, who is enough to give ANY guy a nosebleed- thank the planet she went off to take a little girl to safety, any more of her and I think I'd explode... damn Cloud for dragging me into this... and I'm damned if I EVER climb another stair in my life when I'm done with this.  
'-but you dragged yourself here'  
Shut the fuck up, Zack, and get out of my head.  
'-make me'  
Shut up.  
'-no'  
Yes.  
'-no'  
YES.  
"Um... Seph? Why are you talking to yourself"  
Oops. I must have said that last bit aloud.  
"Erm... Just telling myself to keep moving- don't wanna get shot!" I fake a grin and continue climbing, muttering death threats under my breath. I wonder if it's even possible to kill a dead man?

It takes awhile, but eventually, I haul my carcass up the last flight of steps. Unfortunately for all concerned, I get a nightstick to the back of my head as soon as I reach the top. I hear him whisper, "Sorry..." and then...

Hmm... so stars really DO appear in front of your eyes when you get knocked out.

Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a little glass tube, staring out at a bunch of lab technicians. Stuck up little greasy fuckers.

Wait, lab technicians? Little glass tube? How the FUCK did I get back here? Am I dreaming?

Think, Sephy, think... oh, yeah. Reno bonked me over the head with the business end of his nightstick. Guess that explains the headache. Ow.

Looking around, I think I can safely assume he turned me over to Hojo.

All I can say now is: Well, fuck.

Okay, push the headache aside, Seph. What can you do to get out of here?

I let my eyes wander across the lab, drifting across beakers, test tubes, several needles, a handful of other specimens... oh great, I'm beginning to think of myself as a specimen already... a table with something sparkly on it... sparkly... wait, sparkly? Out of my way, you white-coated little... Hey! It's my dagger! And my armlets! I hope my materia's still in them... anyway, YES! I won't be defenseless when I get out of here!

Well, if I ever DO get out of here, anyway.

Okay, enough with the elation. Why is the floor moving? I'd better get away from that hole, it looks pretty omi-

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A BURNING CANDLE! It's a fucking LION with it's fucking TAIL on fucking FIRE! How the FUCK am I supposed to fight a fucking LION! They didn't give me back my dagger!

And then that stupid fucking intercom comes on, bringing Hojo's whiny, grating, IRRITATING (Heh, I rhymed, I'm a poet and didn't know it) voice to my captive ears. Oh, joy.

"You're not supposed to fight it, dear boy. You're supposed to mate with it."

How does he always know what I'm thinking?

...wait a second... I'm supposed to WHAT! I turn around and begin pounding on the glass, screaming angrily.

"HOJO YOU SICK FUCK!"

Hm. Looks like the critter agrees with me. Wait... is it just me or is the fire kitty talking?

"I don't like two legged things... and what's more, we're both males, you disgusting pervert."

Woah. Talking kitty. Weird. Or maybe it's just the welt on my poor head talking. Might as well defend my honor, either way. "If you really DID just talk, kitty... I really hope you were referring to Hojo."

The cat blinks and sits down, scratching it's left ear with it's left forepaw, amber eyes calm.

"Yes, I did, unless you had some intention of following his instructions..."

Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Planet, the mental images... ew.

"...restraining...urge... to vomit"  
The crimson feline quirks an eyebrow.  
"In which case, I was indeed speaking to Hojo."

I heave a long sigh and sit down across from the kitty, back against the glass.

"Good."

And then Hojo-the-fucker begins his whining again.  
"What are you DOING? You're both endangered species! I'm TRYING to keep you from dying out!"

For a scientist, he's exraordinarily dense.

"YOU STUPID BASTARD! WE'RE BOTH MALES! A PAIR OF MALES CANNOT PRODUCE OFFSPRING!" I bellow, my face going red.

The kitty adds, "One would think he was a furry, and would like to... how do you humans say this? Get his rocks off?"

I can't help it. I blink at Hojo's dopey expression for a moment... then burst out laughing. He promptly goes red, and begins fumbling with a switch, when... what's that?

The elevator behind Hojo comes to a silent stop, opens, and... holy fuck... it can't be. It fucking cannot be. I'm staring and probably putting him at a horrible disadvantage, but...

It's Cloud.

He came after me! He fucking FOLLOWED ME into the fucking SHIN-RA BUILDING! Talk about insane.  
'-insane loyalty you mean'  
Shut UP, Zack! How can he be loyal to me if we've never met before?  
'-told him about you'  
So?  
'-so he knows you're my best friend and wants to protect you'  
...Oh, shut up.

Tifa kicks ass. I have to admit it, her giant knockers aren't her only good feature. Nope, she's also fucking BRILLIANT at dishing out hurt. Thanks to her Beat Rush, Hojo's passed out against the wall, and now Mr. T over there is... shooting the door out with a gun attached to his arm. Ri-ght... anyway, we're free! Now all we have to do is... why is the floor moving again?

HOLY SHIT! I backpedal frantically away from the hole in the floor as the thing emerging from it hisses, lashing out with one tentacle. Behind me, I can vaguely hear Cloud yelling orders.

"Tifa! Get him outta here!"

...What the fuck? Why is he protecting me?

"OW! FUCK! TIFA! LET GO OF MY EAR!"

Of course, she ignores me and drags me down the hall at high speed, backward, by my poor throbbing ear. She didn't give me time to grab my dagger, either.

We end up standing in a cargo elevator, gasping for breath.

"Th-tha-that..." Wow. I'm out of shape compared to her- I'm completely winded. And bending over... and staring... right... at... her... "HOLY FUCK Tifa don't kill me I was just out of breath!"

And that was how Cloud found us- me cowering like a terrified little girl against the wall, and Tifa threatening to rip my balls off and feed them to me. And, though only I could hear him, Zack was also laughing his fucking ghostly ass off at my fear of "the girl with the giant jugs", as he had so aptly dubbed her.

Anyway, we piled into the elevator, and Cloud hit the button for the first floor. Unfortunately, the elevator was doomed to go down without us, as no sooner were we IN it, than we were forced OUT of it by the Turks, who had apparently been following Cloud and his little band of misfits the entire time. Truthfully, it was pretty pathetic.

After a long, boring conversation with the president, we're now rotting for an indefinite period of time in the cells in the Shin-Ra building's detention area. I know we're all here, because I can hear Cloud and Tifa in the next room over fairly clearly, and I can even vaguely make out Barret - that's Mr. T's actual name - and the big fire kitty who we're currently calling Red talking, on the other side of Cloud and Tifa's cell.

At least they gave me back my dagger, so I have something to play with. Wonder why they left us armed?

"...Seph?"

I pause in the middle of a flip of my dagger.

"Yes, Cloud?"

I hear the wooden clunk of a chair being pulled up against a wall.

"...Why is Shin-Ra after you?" Cloud grunts softly, paying more attention to settling the chair than he is to me.

I sigh, and sheathe my weapon.

"I'm a Cetra."

"You're a what?" I hear Cloud climbing on the chair, then a light rap on the wall above my head. I peer up, and catch a glimmer of bright blue eyes through a grating. He indicates the lone chair in my room, and I take the hint, drag it over, and climb on it, so we're talking face to face.

"Now, what did you say you were?"

"A cet- an Ancient."

Even through the grating, I can see that Cloud's eyes have widened considerably. "You're a WHAT!" He hisses softly, and I sigh.

"An ancient. The first cloned one, in fact."

Cloud nearly falls off his chair. "You're a CLONE!" I sigh and rub my eyes, suddenly exhausted. "Technically, in the sense that my genes were altered to be as near as possible to those of the only Ancient who still walked the planet at the time of my conception, without altering my gender." I pause, and regard the spike-head with some amusement. "There isn't another Sephiroth running around and causing havoc, if that's what worries you."

I can tell, from the enormous sigh that he heaves, that the thought of another one of me was precisely what was worrying him. I can't help it, I grin like a maniac. "Get some rest, Cloud." I hop down from the chair, frown, and add, "I have a feeling you'll need it."

I lie down on my cot, and am almost immediately asleep.

I am wakened from a long nap by the hiss of my cell door opening. At first, I think I'm young again, in the cell with Ifalna, but then the events of the past day or so come back to mind and I snap awake.

And see a face from my past.

It's Aeris. The beautiful, sweet, happy girl I knew has matured into a beautiful, if somewhat bitter, woman, and I can't help but stare just a little, trying to make sure it's really her.

"A-Aeris? Is that you?" I whisper, trying not to show my joy.

And then she smiles, and I'm struck by how very WRONG it looks. She takes a step forward, and I scramble away from her, horrified. "Who are you?"

She looks at me, and tries a hurt expression, but she knows I know, and quickly drops her pretenses.

"Foolish child." She hisses softly. "I am Jenova."

I can't help a gasp. The Calamity from the Skies has been resurrected in the body of one of those beings who most hated her.

As if she is reading my mind, she smirks. "Yes, child. And I have brought my new body to fetch the remains of my old one. It will be quite useful to me..."

She whips out her sword, and advances upon me. "Perhaps I should..." And then she pauses, smirks, and says. "No. I'll save that for later."

She hits me in the head with the hilt of her sword, and I'm knocked out. For the second time in one day. Dammit.

Yes, I know, for the first chapter in nearly a year, it's short.

Oh, yes, and... FORESHADOWING! Bum bum buuuum!" 


End file.
